The sweetest moment

What I live for are the simple moments
When our humanity, so frail and fragile
Shows us that God is close by
Just around the corner, if we choose to see

One of those was the sweetest moment
When my girlfriend Lisa out of nowhere
Whispered with a voice full of emotions
“I love you” and my heart melted away forever

Oh i wish i could go back to that moment
And relive it over and over, like a Groundhog Day repetition but that’s not possible
In this world of linearity and broken hearts

Yes she spoke these words
Then a few weeks later more but so different
Literally the opposite as she doesn’t feel
Any love for me any longer

It was the sweetest moment for me in 2016
That is what i choose to remember
As my heart is broken but not my spirit
And my loneliness is only temporary

Lisa i still love you
That feeling is and always will be
It’s not temporary but permanent
I wish that was your sweetest moment too

Closure

Closure is now what I seek
When I pray you and I would speak
As I lay in bed tears flowing
From my last heart break astounding

Could fate be bound in misery?
Am I never meant to taste victory?
Always hoping to bump into you
I rewind the tape to hear the truth

Oh Claudia you will always be special
Sweet and smart, tall and beautiful
The ideal to whom everyone is compared
As my heart is broken, not one bit spared

I seek you with my heart
Hoping that God will allow a new start
Closure or a new beginning
The truth is that I never stopped loving

For you

I love you sweet and beautiful goddess. The most gorgeous and sexiest. My heart is wishing upon a star. To hold you close in my arms…once more.

For you sweet Lisa I would give up playing games eating chocolate and drinking Port. I would quit my job, travel the world and dive in front of a bullet. 

You probably can’t know that I’m serious and really love you that way. It’s okay. I understand. It’s crazy talk. Just talk. Unless it’s not.

I thought about quitting work this week, put in my 2 weeks notice and make drastic changes in my life. I can’t go back to who I was before I met you. You’ve changed me, made me a better man I believe. I definitely feel different. 

I don’t know what you’re feeling or thinking. Definitely I’m afraid of losing you. It might be too late already. I don’t know. I’m scared but I still have hope.

I hope that who I am inside will have made your heart love me despite your fears. I hope that God will intervene and bring back joy for both of us. I hope for one more chance to appreciate every moment I spend with you.

I am here for you and will wait until you decide. For you I would do anything and everything. 

Love,

Always yours

Lisa

I’m in love with the sweetest lady I’ve ever known and I’m being the best I’ve ever been, relationship wise. With that said, it looks like she’s having second thoughts and isn’t ready to commit to our relationship. 

It’s been only 3 months since we started dating but I knew from the first week that she was gonna be somebody special whom I would grow to love and respect. I’m not sure if I’m in shock right now or just being mature about it but I’m accepting the fact that she may choose to break up with me at this time. The way I see it, she has to want to be with me for this relationship to work. 

I’m in but is she as well? 

I’m gonna give her all the time she needs to figure this out because that’s what I would want if I were in her shoes. Like I said, I might be more mature than I realized. Especially being in love like I am, I should be worried and sad and trying to convince her to stay. 

I’m not. I guess I learned that you can’t influence another person that way.

I’m hoping that God will be there for us in this moment of truth and help us choose the right path. I’m trusting Him.

So sweet Lisa, I send you all my love and hope that your heart is touched and returns to me.

Engaged and sad

I never thought that love would feel so sad, so lonely. I don’t think I’m in love anymore. That was before the last time my heart got broken. Again. Now I’m reserved and holding back and of course, I know that it is very wrong. 

We fell in love in mid March. I proposed mid May then we moved in together about a week later after buying a house together. I know all the signs were there pointing at us going too fast.

Personally I definitely loved her a lot. She was very close to being the perfect girl. She loved me the way I was, including especially my geeky side. That drew me to her like I’ve never felt before. For the first time, I felt like I could be myself. 

The move together brought out the worst in her I must say. I myself didn’t change until I tried to adapt to make her more accepting of the lack of comfort in our new home. It affected me but not as much and not right away. I feel good with how I reacted but can’t say the same about her.

She used to be kind. She became a….hmmm she actually uses the word “bitch” and there is no better word to describe her lack of care in how insensitive she is to others in general. I was going to marry her?

She is now the opposite of what I want in a woman so I’m definitely going to have to cut my losses and split. This acknowledgement should be devastating but somehow I believe my love for her is just all used up and gone. Very sad indeed.

One day I might look back and regret giving up but really, I’m not the one who gave up. She did first and completely destroyed my heart and my love for her. I do wish her happiness as I wish to everyone including my worst enemy. Good luck my fiancée. I am sure you didn’t mean to hurt me and get into this mess.

Women

I again figure out why my relationships fail. Why I forgot that I simply will never understand women is beyond me. They just make no sense to me.

I thought that Francine was different or maybe thought that I was different enough to make it work. Women don’t understand me either. Misunderstanding is actually putting it mildly. As far as I know, I didn’t do anything wrong but I’m getting the silence treatment and that usually means I messed up big. I definitely would never do that on purpose and actually nobody ever would and that’s how I see the world. Why I thought that this woman was different from the others is unknown right now.

This living together situation is like living apart. We aren’t together in any way shape or form. We do nothing together. The closest we come to that is when we work on separate project on the house.

We don’t talk. We don’t touch. Except to make love. Maybe that’s already faded too. I couldn’t say as I don’t remember that far back.

The truth is that I am hurt and sad and crazily still love her. I haven’t slept the past 2 nights and I’m physically and emotionally a wreck. What should I do to fix this situation? I honestly have no idea…

All I know is that I still love her.

It’s all good

I could wake up seeing all the negatives in my life but I choose different. I’m gonna trust in God and reach for happiness despite what I’m missing, don’t have or sadness. The truth is I’ll never be happy if I don’t leave these behind. So I do, conciously, every morning and often during the day too.
So today I’m gonna see the beauty in my new friend whom I’m starting to love. It’s a slow building love. I’ve never felt that way before and it’s strange but again, I trust that there is a reason for it to be happening. So I’m waking up smiling and say to the world, watch me be happy in my little life. I especially send that to my ex who doesn’t want us to speak, who thinks I’m not worth it I guess. Well I am worth it and way more than she’ll ever know. My new friend will be reaping all the rewards and that’s just perfect. It’s all good. Great actually.
Have a great day!

Love relationships

Seems to me I don’t understand women or maybe they don’t understand me. I’m pretty simple I think. I love easily and plenty and mean what I say. Always.
I trust everyone even after I get hurt. If I feel misunderstood I try to explain myself. That happens too often. That’s when I tend to overreact. I’m trying to change that to show I can really trust. It’s tough.
I make choices that usually show where my priorities are. Usually I put my woman first. Too often before my own self and that’s wrong. I know that now.
I try to live a simple life and enjoy the simple things. One thing I need to change is texting. I rely too much on it to communicate and it’s too easy to misunderstand and there lies a big part of my problems. If my woman and I lived together and texted while away that wouldn’t be so bad. No. What happens is we can go 3-4 days without seeing each others or hearing each other’s voices and we disconnect and mistrust builds up on both sides. That I know now is a problem that I’m planning on changing. It might be too late to fix my current relationship but I’m not gonna assume anything anymore.

These are some of the things I’m thinking about these days. My writing about them is a way for me to release the stress associated with my current relationship troubles. If troubles there actually are. As I’m starting to realize misunderstanding can happen to everyone including to me.

Good night!

As I continue to mourn

Phil Connors woke up the morning after
Just like I did yesterday morning
Groundhog Day was no more
And the rest of my life was beginning

The weight on my shoulder gone
I had found what I had been looking for
Many years of work had gone on
Finally I had let God open the door

Though today is the second day
And I still miss my love gone astray
God is with me and that’s the beauty
It’s the only reason I need to continue to be

I shall continue to follow His lead
Like I have done the past sixty days
Even since Claudia gave up on me
And I found the path, His way

Today if she was to come back in my life
Ask me to marry her forever
I believe I still would accept and take her as wife
Because my love was real for her

It pains me to no end
To know it’s not going to happen
I will need to continue to mourn
Many more days til my heart is healed, not torn

Journey in the Spirit

Alas I do not have, all of the answers
My Journey in the Spirit has just begun
What I know for sure is this is better
The fit wasn’t perfection, we weren’t one

Falsities weren’t told, trust wasn’t vaporized
Still all wasn’t shared and real trust realized
In a moment suddenly I saw, many weeks after you
There are better fits out there and happiness for both of us too

I see our friendship survive and maybe even thrive
As our journey continues, in the Spirit of God alive
A moment to realize, we’re better off separate
Only a moment it takes, to realize and accept

So I wish you all the best, no luck you need for sure
You are an amazing woman, and some man will be very lucky
I’ll be happy for you truly, when that finally occurs
I pray your Journey in the Spirit allows you to forgive me